i am the proud new owner of a proud old polaroid camera. i have wanted one forever. literally. i also have a mess of expired film for it but it still works. just enough to give the photos it produces an even more vintage look. i'm in love. all i need now is a scanner to post some of the better ones....

my beautiful white tulips in negative,

and natural

i love white tulips

i mean i love any flowers really, but i've noticed lately i've been more and more drawn to white tulips. they seem so crisp clean and simply elegant. i bought these lovelies yesterday while grocery shopping. and they're potted so they won't die after a week or so - well, here's hoping.

i have an addiction

colourful tank tops just waiting for spring....

is it wrong?

is it wrong that i love the little fish on the side of my blog? i forget where i found the app. FOREVER ago, and forgot i even had this blog for almost a year.

so when i REfound it i was like 'fuck! the fish!' and ever since, EVERY time i come on here (even to creep or to kill time) i'm like 'quick feed the fish!' and i KNOW if they were real they'd either be SO obese or their aquarium would be one of those ones where there is a layer of half digested food and soggy poop all over everything cause they're so overfed. but i forgot for so long that they must be hungry. right? poor little anorexic digital koi/goldfish.

(yes i know those two species are VERY different. go read a book. eff off.)

and supertramp. i love supertramp.

is that wrong?

NOTE: i have since removed the fish. i therefore apologize if this makes no sense. but i still love supertramp.

the written word.

when you hear 'written word' what comes to mind? written books? like stories and 'literature'? i've noticed lately that this increasingly so means texting and previously email.

and i love grammar. and spelling. and then than their there they're etc. my nana made SURE i did. although i have given up on capitols and some punctuation; i do spell things wrong on occassion and especially when i have a good idea as my fingers can't keep up with my thoughts. then it's all fair game.

too bad papa couldn't enforce the math skills as strongly. although he did make me cry once; but i digress....lol.

and that right THERE is what i meant this blog to be. the big 'lol'. i know SO many people hate it, and sometimes i do too, especially when thirteen year old girls physically say "l - o - l" instead of just giggling innanely.

'hi my name is jess, and i'm an lol over-user"
"hi jess!"
"uh, hi"

i literally use it all the time. at this point i don't notice or else it's just added to EVERY sentence i text/email. and i don't mean to annoy. i apologize sincerely. i just am SO scared of the written word. when it's written by people i know, or myself. do you know what i mean? lol (jk)<-great ANOTHER confessional blog at a later date i'm sure.

SO, i am so overly worried that people will assume too much of my natural spoken sarcasm/lameness/funniness into my texts emails etc when they can't actually HEAR the inflection i hear when i hear it in my head as i type it, that i add the 'lol' as a safety net of sorts, so that i don't actually overstimulate or worry anyone.

also, it's REALLY hard to always understand what people are meaning when they text etc. especially with all the abbreviations of words and people's own brand's of short hand from the hungover lectures of yesteryear. so be kind, don't jump to conclusions. don't assume someone's instantly vapid.... although, thank you; i have been called that like a HUNDRED times.

so much so that i once offput a current boyfriend (that i was breaking up with shortly and who lived across the country), in an email that he uses that as a MAIN REASON not to talk/email /add me/accept my friend requests on facebook. and i mean really?! i believe he said that i 'couldn't be serious'.

for those of you that know me i am DEFINATELY one of the biggest goofs, and clumsy (i like to think of myself as the original Bella Swan - oooOOOOooo! capitols! and a 'Twilight' reference! bet i just upped my 'possible' demographic for followers!), and always the first one to laugh at herself. hey kids! remember that time we went to see a movie (50 first dates?), and i sat in the theatre seat and went right through -spilling my pop not only on me, but also ALL over Stumpy too?

and when the manager came over he just redirected me to the seat behind my original one and cornered off the broken mess (the chair - not me), with yellow hazard tape. not once thinking "hey maybe she'd like her money back.... or at least another diet coke."

i mean really?! ANYWAYS, over using the big 'lol'. guilty. lock me away. but really i'm just looking out for you guys. i mean if i wrote something that was hilarious and possibly slightly sarcastic to you in a text, chances are i'd be bustin' a gut and you'd be like 'eff you jess!', but maybe for other reasons instead of the text. just sayin' is all.

and perhaps from now on, instead of over analyzing all my thoughts on the digital page i will instead over check and re-read my written stuff copious times, hoping through this wine haze i have caught every last little tiny mistake; praying that there are none, considering my earlier boasts. and knowing that SOMEONE will find SOMETHING to bitch about later with this lil' ole blog.

i guess the point (if there is one, or needs to be one) is that i apologize. sincerely. i'm just looking out for your feelings.

UPDATE: i DEFINATELY checked this over and over and over again for little tiny mistakes and typos.... pretty sure i got 'em all. do your best fuckers.