i keep flowers in vases way longer than i should - pretty much until the petals fall off or they wilt right over.
i regret never going to a vineyard for a wine tasting when i lived somewhere where they were overabundantly plentiful.
i worry that i have not followed the path i should have - perhaps this is the pisces coming out? (2 fish swimming in different directions for those of you that don't know)
i get motivated and have all these 'plans' - then i get distracted and forget and do nothing about them.
i used to draw - constantly all the time. when i fell in love it waned, then it faltered, then it collapsed completely. i don't blame him at all. i don't know what happened. his song writing did the same. is this a sign that it (we) shouldn't be?
i love musicals. enough said.
i have never broken a bone. i have severely dislocated one big toe however to the point that the ER doctor exclaimed "i don't know how you didn't break this!"
i am a very fast learner. i picked up guitar chords crazy fast. thing is i still can't play, because i give up too easily. if one finger slips, i quit. even if it's that fingers first time ever caressing that string. i have no tolerance for less than perfect (in myself) - maybe that's why i love so many "hobbies" and am mediocore at most of them and really not very good or exceptional at anything.
i miss the pub.
i always wish i had siblings - lately, particularily, a sister. older, younger, whatever. i see my cousins (4 sisters) and am envious of their love and secrets and closeness. when i was younger i wanted an older brother for "protection" and to crush on his friends. i don't blame my mum or dad for not providing these playmates.
i wish i was closer to said cousins. and the 3 boys. this is all one side.
i wish i physically lived closer to the cousins from the other side.... a country keeps us apart. thank god for facebook.... i really should pick up a phone occassionally though.
on my mum's side i am the oldest of the cousins. on my dad's the youngest.
i get lost in books (and movies) in such a way that when they end i feel lost. and sometimes slightly betrayed.
i am a hopeless romantic.... scratch that - a hopeful romantic. i believe in love. as deep as the ocean. heartwrenching, gut tearing, can't breathe or move real love. i try not to let onto this too much for fear of limiting my gender's ability to be their own people.
i miss chivalry.
i miss the fifties - a time i wasn't ever a part of.
i want my loved ones to be happy, healthy and wealthy. i know it's a lot to ask but if anyone up there is listening it'd sure make a great christmas present.
i love water. being in it, drinking it, being near it. if i have to explain it more you just don't get it.
i love supertramp. i couldn't really name many or any of their songs and am sure some days i'd be like 'turn that crap off!' but when the time is right, they are a good portion of my heart.
i love reupholstering (or the idea of it) furniture - taking an older victorian settee and covering it in a paint pony hair fabric. something unexpected. hmm.... maybe that says more than i realized.
i want to travel. desperately and hopelessly and on a whim. funds and 'reponsibilities' limit me. my main responsibility being my soulmate. i don't mean my manfriend. i mean my cat. i have two and i love them equally, but the one just totally gets me. she found me and claimed me as her own. and i couldn't 'abandon' her to live vicariously.... is this what it feels like to have kids? how sad for me that it's a cat.... or is it.
i enjoy drinking. that being said, finish your chuckle as i know most people do enjoy it. but i really do. it awakens me and makes me motivated and feel creative and i really worry that it's a sign of something bad. i don't drink everyday (every other of course! lol jk) but when i do it makes me.... i dunno, the things i already said? i wish i could feel that way everyday. the fact that i can't makes me sad.
i love to sing. and am fairly bad at it. i have my moments, notes, songs, but generally i am on the shitty side of sound.
i want to have photos published in national geographic. my papa was a photographer - just for love - and i think i took to it in such a way because he was my back up father figure and because i lost him so early.... well not as early as some people might have, but early enough.
i always backtrack when i make a statement because i don't want someone to contradict what i've said (see above) or be offended or cause a confrontation. doormat? pisces? issues? probably all of the above....
i could probably do this all night but there is a sweet voice and melodic acoustic guitar singing for me from downstairs and i think it's time to live. even for a moment. cause that's all you have. as cliched as it is, it's honest. and sometimes i think people forget that the reason cliches are cliches is because once upon a time, a simpler time (or a more interesting? honest? free? time) they were true.
love is messy; and sometimes it hurts.
